Winter Movie Preview -- Part One

As we head into the holiday season, here's my annual Winter Movie Preview.  To be fair, I have not personally seen all of these.  Actually, I haven't seen any of them.  But that never stops me from having an opinion.  

THE TOURIST – Angelina Jolie almost ruins a guy’s life. The role she was born to play.

BURLESQUE – Cher, who now has become Jack Lord with hair extensions, and Christina Aguilera team for a movie musical. Sounds like CABARET without Nazis.

COUNTRY STRONG – Gwyneth Paltrow as a country-western singer. Doing her big hit, “I’ll love you tomorrow if you cleanse tonight”.

BLUE VALENTINE – Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling in a gut-wreching drama about a failing marriage. Gwyneth Paltrow recommends salads and smoothies but that won’t save it.

TRON: LEGACY – Imagine the original with a better script and effects. Now that Jeff Bridges has his Oscar, he’s willing to go back and make fun stuff.

BLACK SWAN – Natalie Portman in the ballet. This is why every Jewish mother enrolls their daughters into dance class whether they like it or not.

THE KING’S SPEECH – Getting amazing buzz. Colin Firth as stuttering King George VI. “Abadee, abadee, abadee, th-th-th-that’s an Oscar, folks!”

THE FIGHTER – Every actor who wants to be De Niro has to do his boxing picture. This is Mark Wahlberg’s.

ALL GOOD THINGS – Ryan Gosling suspected of killing his wife. Might be the sequel to BLUE VALENTINE.

HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS – PART 1 – Just cause the book was 700 pages doesn’t mean the title has to be.

THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE VOYAGE OF THE DAWN TREADER – And that’s the short version. Original title: THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE VOYAGE OF THE DAWN TREADER AND THE DAWN OF THE SON OF THE BRIDE OF THE RETURN OF THE REVENGE OF THE TERROR OF THE ATTACK OF THE EVIL, MUTANT, HELLBOUND, FLESH-EATING SUBHUMANOID ZOMBIFIED LIVING DEAD, PART 3

The Winter Movie Preview continues tomorrow...